Bible Study Struggles

My family has kind of a weird relationship with church–we don’t go on Sundays, we only sometimes (meaning rarely) go on Fridays, but my mom goes to the mom Bible study and sends my sister and me to the after school Bible study. So am I Christian? Probably not, depends on your definition.

The first problem I have with Bible study is I’m not too familiar with the book we’re studying. It’s like that kid in English class who doesn’t read the book and struggles to answer questions. Yep, that’s me. Like, I don’t even know the order of the books. (Genesis, Exodus, … halp.) So when the pastor says, “Corintians chapter __, verse __”, I’m like, Corinthians is in the New Testament, but where. And one week I’m going to have to share my “favorite Bible passage,” which is going to be a challenge if I haven’t exactly read the Bible, or even a substantial part of it.

The other problem I have is I’m probably a pretty bad Christian if I am one, and I’m not used to going to Bible studies, so what to say. Pastor says, “Share what speaks to you in this passage.” And I’m like that kid when he tries to make up an answer that makes sense. “Um, here, verses __ to __, because it’s like, um, God loves us, and, um, Jesus sacrificed himself, and, um, we should be really grateful, so, like, we need to spread his word.”

And when other people share, I sometimes think, Who says Christians are all right and we’re better than everyone? This guy was like, “So last year I was kind of negative about spreading God’s word, and when I looked at people, I thought, They’re not saved. That sucks. Now, I guess I’m more positive and actively spreading his word [etc…]” Not that he’s insincere or not a nice person, but who really appreciates us doing this anyway? Certainly not the people who already know what they believe.

For me (right now at least), being a Christian means not freaking out over the little things in life, like getting a bad grade on a test, because there are much bigger things in life to freak out over. It’s living a good life, not because I won’t be saved otherwise, but because I feel that’s what God meant for us to do.  And I think people who aren’t Christians can live a good life and not miss out on anything, because living a good life doesn’t mean believing in the God I believe in. Living a good life means living a good life, period.

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